Why So Many Women Leave the Doctor Feeling Defeated

If you've ever left a doctor's appointment feeling unheard, confused, or like you forgot to ask the questions that really mattered, you're not alone.

The truth is, most of us were never taught how to participate in our own healthcare. We were taught that the doctor knows best, but we were never taught how to organize our symptoms, ask thoughtful questions, or confidently participate in decisions about our own bodies.

In this episode, we talk about:

•  Why so many women leave appointments feeling defeated 
•  The difference between trusting your provider and trusting your own experience 
•  What shared decision-making actually means 
•  Why your lived experience matters just as much as your medical history 
•  How organizing your symptoms can lead to more productive healthcare conversations 

You don't need to become an expert in hormones.

You don't need to diagnose yourself.

But you do deserve to understand enough to confidently participate in decisions about your own body.

If you'd like help organizing your symptoms, identifying patterns, and preparing for conversations with your healthcare provider, learn more about my Perimenopause Clarity Session here:

https://startwithembr.com/method

If this video was helpful, I'd love to have you subscribe. Every week I share practical, evidence-informed education to help women better understand perimenopause and navigate this season with more confidence.

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Kimberly Hoyt is a physician assistant with two decades of clinical experience who helps women navigate perimenopause and menopause with clarity and confidence. Her work focuses on midlife health and education, helping women understand what is happening in their bodies so they feel prepared, informed, supported and empowered. 

Medical Disclaimer: The information shared on this channel is for educational and informational purposes only and is not intended as medical advice. Kimberly Hoyt, PA-C, and associated content are not a substitute for professional medical care, diagnosis, or treatment. Viewing/Listening to this content does not establish a patient-provider relationship. Always consult your own healthcare provider before making changes to your health plan, starting supplements, or addressing medical concerns.

General Disclaimer: I am not a CPA, attorney, insurance/real estate agent, contractor, lender, or financial advisor. The content in these episodes shall not be construed as tax, legal, financial advice, or other and may be outdated or inaccurate; ...

Transcript

0:00

Have you ever left a doctor's appointment and thought, "I forgot half of my questions"? Or maybe you got home and realized, "I don't understand why they recommended that." Or maybe you walked out thinking, "I know something is different, but I don't know how to explain it." If you have ever felt that way, you are not alone And I don't think that's because you're bad at advocating for yourself I think it's because no one ever taught us how to participate in our own healthcare For a lot of us, especially those of us that grew up in the '80s and '90s, we were taught something very simple The doctor knows best. You show up, you don't question, you don't challenge, you don't take up too much time And if the doctor didn't bring it up, it probably wasn't important So we learned to show up, to answer the questions that were asked, listen carefully, and go home And that does work reasonably well for some things. If you have strep or a broken bone, that's probably sufficient But perimenopause is a totally different beast It doesn't begin with one obvious symptom Instead, it often starts with little changes that don't seem connected. Maybe you're sleeping differently Maybe your anxiety suddenly feels different than it used to Maybe your recovery from exercise isn't what it once was Maybe you've stopped gaining muscle despite doing all the same things maybe your periods became less predictable, or you started noticing brain fog or joint pain or fatigue. Each symptom by itself may not seem significant But together they are telling a story The challenge is that you're living that story one day at a time And your healthcare provider gets to see you for seven to 12 minutes They weren't there when your sleep patterns changed two years ago They didn't notice your cycles becoming shorter 18 months ago they weren't there when your workout suddenly felt harder and you stopped recovering the way you used to. Only you have lived that experience. No lab test can tell that story No questionnaire can fully capture it Only you have lived it And that's why your perspective matters as a PA, I have had thousands of conversations with patients over the years And one thing I've learned is that the best healthcare conversations aren't built on one person's expertise alone I think one of the biggest misconceptions in healthcare is that you have to choose between trusting yourself or trusting your provider You don't Your provider is an expert in medicine. You are an expert in living in your body Your provider brings medical training, clinical experience, and the ability to evaluate what might be happening, and other things that need to be worried about You bring your lived experience. You know what has changed You know exactly what affects your quality of life And you know the timeline The best healthcare decisions happen when those two kinds of expertise come together. That's what shared decision-making really means It doesn't mean showing up with a diagnosis you found on social media it doesn't mean demanding a specific test or a specific medication And it doesn't mean assuming your provider is wrong It means understanding your experience well enough to have a meaningful conversation to ask thoughtful questions, to understand your options to weigh the benefits and risks together That is not undermining your healthcare provider. That is participating in your healthcare And honestly, I think that's what every patient deserves Now, I also want to acknowledge something I hear from women all the time Some of you have done everything right. You have brought your notes You Have tracked your symptoms. You have prepared your questions and you have still left feeling unheard. If that has been your experience, I am genuinely sorry that you have been through that. Feeling dismissed is frustrating, but I don't want one disappointing appointment to convince you that your symptoms don't matter Sometimes it means another conversation Sometimes it means another opinion. Sometimes it means finding a new provider with more experience in this area Advocating for yourself doesn't mean you're being difficult. It's recognizing that your health matters enough to keep searching for answers The reason I created the Perimenopause Clarity Session isn't to replace your healthcare provider It's actually to help you get more out of that relationship Together, I help you organize your symptom history. We identify patterns We build a timeline. We connect the dots And we prepare you to have a more confident, productive conversation with your healthcare team Because my goal isn't to tell you what decisions to make My goal is to help you understand your experience well enough to actively participate in those conversations Whether we work together or not, I want you to remember this. You don't need to become an expert in hormones. You don't have to have all the answers But you do deserve to understand enough to confidently participate in decisions about your own body And that is what every woman deserves If this message resonated with you and you'd like help organizing your own story or your history I've linked the perimenopause clarity session in the description below And if you're interested in practical evidence-informed education to help you better understand perimenopause, I'd love for you to subscribe, to like and share this with a friend. Ladies, we are recalibrating and still showing up, and I'm here to help you as you move through this season.